Fall for You
by VxxBrittana
Summary: Summary- Being in love is amazing, but when you're in love with your best friend who is getting married, it's not the greatest feeling in the world to see her engaged. Still I rather sacrifice my happiness for hers. If that means keeping in my feelings then that's exactly what I'm going to do. (G!P)
1. Chapter 1 - I Can't

**Author's Note**

**Hey Guys! This is a new and improved re-upload Chapter 1. I kinda didn't like how I wrote it the first chapter of the story. So I want to make a first good impression regarding the benefits for new readers that hopefully take an interest of this fic. Also the old readers ,you guys are awesome as always can also notice the improvements to this renewed chapter. Enjoy~**

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**Summary- Being in love is amazing, but when you're in love with your best friend who is getting married, it's not the greatest feeling in the world to see her engaged. Still I rather sacrifice my happiness for hers. If that means keeping in my feelings that's exactly what I'm going to do. (G!P)**

**Words- 2k+**

**Rating- NC-17**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Glee, no profit is being made.**

**Chapter 1- I Can't**

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"Brittany!... Britt!,"Santana letting out an uproar of giggles while trying to stop my hands from tickling her sides "Please, I surrender." she said holding her hands up in defeat.

"Now Sanny, have you learned not to mess with the Lord T?" I question even though I obviously knew the answer.

"Yes, I have learned my lesson not to mess with Lord Tubby." she sighs with her voice spoken in a serious tone. I actually just for a second believe she will listen to me until a playful smile breaking upon her face.

"San." My lower lip juts out in a pouting form. I know my pout always gets her to do what I want. She's like putty in my hand. Just as I am in hers.

"Seriously Bee you know that adorable pout will always get to a Lopez," I smirk knowingly. she clicks her tongue and mutter. "Fine. I'm sorry Lar...Lord Tubbingtion"

"Thank You," I said "Now let's get ready for the partaay" I said playfully while getting up from the bed.

"No I wants my cuddles with my girl Britt," she whines while pulling me back on the bed.

When she said 'my girl' I felt nothing but butterflies flowing through my stomach. I know it's wrong to feel this way, but I can't help it sometimes what's worst is that she has a girlfriend. Her names Charlie; she's blond with grey eyes, toned body, and a sweet smile. And they have dated for a year now, so there is no chance she'll notice me. When I think about it hurts to know that she'll never see me ad more than a friend.

"Britt," she said while waving her hands in my face. "You kinda spaced out on me. Are you alright?" she questioned, her voice full of worry with a tint of curiosity.

"Yeah." I lied turning my head slightly to not let her catch my eyes which were full of sadness. I look downwards focusing all of my attention towards my hands. Like they were the most important things in the world.

"Britt, look at me," It was like I was in a trance. Just nothing around me was in existence. But my hands deliberately attach to to the hem of my shirt. Suddenly I feel a warm hand cupping my chin tilting my face upwards and catching the most amazing deep, dark chocolate-colored eyes.

"Nothing," I shake my head quickly eventually breaking out of her hands. "Now let's get ready for your birthday party." I say feigning happiness. When her eyes glare at me knowing something was up, I also add a small smile hopefully trying to convince Santana that I was okay.

"Are you sure Bee? We have been best friends since freaking first grade. I can tell something is bothering you." She replies worryingly.

"I'm fine okay," I grab her hands about to add another statement to my defense, when a prompt warmness spreads through my body. A sudden warmness that is indescribable for mankind, but to me I can describe it. It is called love. A certain love that is one-sided unfortunately. Maybe one day Santana will realize that us together will just bring an infinite cycle of happiness and the true meaning of a soulmate. "This is your day. Now let's get ready!"

Just the thought of her birthday pushes my sadness to the back of my mind. This is her day and I'm not going to ruin it with my problems.

VxxVxxVxxVxx

**3 hours later..**

I knocked softly on her door. "_Coming Britt, just one second." _I hear from the other side of the door.

Then the door opens to reveal the most stunning, beautiful girl in the world that I have ever laid eyes on. Her beauty isn't defined by her clothes, her makeup, or the way her hair looks. Its her eyes that are beautiful. And those deep orbs are the only part of her that is attracting my attention. It is because her eyes show the pathway to her beautiful heart. Her heart shows her true beauty. She is just so caring and passionate towards the people that she loves.

"You're drooling, Britt." she laughs while blushing from my awe expression.

"I can't help it. You're the most beautiful girl in the world." I say sheepishly while turning rubescent.

She also blushes and looks down, but narrowing her eyes up. "You look beautiful also Bee."

Santana is wearing a red laced party dress that stops by her knees and with her hair straightened with curls at the end the length of her hair stopping by her mid-back . Her makeup is done beautifully as well. She has natural makeup with red lipstick and black eyeliner. She picks nude heels that finishes off her stunning outfit.

While I'm wearing backless navy blue dress with my hair in loose curls reaching my lower back. My make up is also done naturally. I have nude pink lipstick on and light pink eye shadow. To finish it off I have pink heels.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

"Yeah.'', just let me call Charlie to tell her that we're leaving." She replies.

"Okay I'll meet you in the car."

I run downstairs heading out the front door. I just don't want to hear anymore about Charlie. She's always brought up between my and Santana. There is no escaping this pain that is caused by loving Santana.

About two minutes of me sitting in the car waiting for her to come pass by and she still has not come out of the house yet. Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if Me and Santana were together. To me I think I would be waking up in the morning next to the beauty with utter happiness. I would cherish every living moment I have with her. I'd kiss every part of her body I could possible reach. To her maybe some parts are imperfections, but in my eyes those little things are what I love about her.

I keep thinking on and on about her until I see the one person that is causing all these thoughts to flow through my head walking out the front door and locking it behind her. She walks forward reaching the handle of the passenger's door. She climbs in the car door with her phone clamp between her head and her neck.

"Yeah babe we're almost there," I hear her say to Charlie. '_Alright bye, I love you,' _Then Santana replies with a half-hearted I love you back.

When she puts her phone back in her purse she glances over to me. My eyes are focused on the road in front of me, but I can tell she was looking my way.

"Britt, do you like Charlie?," she questions. I reply "Sure she makes you happy, right?" I look to my left and catch her brown eyes looking at me.

Right then and there I could tell something was bothering her. Just by the look on her face; The fiddling with the nails, the worried frown, it says it all.

"Yeah she does, I'm very happy with her. I just wanted to make sure you were."

"Does it matter what I think though?" I ask.

"Of course it does. You're my best friend. I care about your opinion."

It takes all the willpower I have to not admit these words 'No I'm never going to like a girl who is dating the person I love.'

"Then if she makes you happy then I'm happy."

"Thanks Brittany." she says with a smile on her face.

She turned to window on the right leaving me in my thoughts.

VxxVxxVxxV

_Growing up was scary. I was scared that I wouldn't get accepted for who I was. Sure I was a pretty little girl. But if you dug a little deeper you would know that I was a girl with a male appendage. I thought once someone would know about my secret then they would think that I was a freak._

_When I was six years-old, I had just moved in to Lima, Ohio. My family and I had moved from Arizona because my mother got a new job at hospital and my father also got a new job working for Burt's Garage._

_We moved in a suburb close to a park. To me our house was amazing. The environment was just so welcoming. Just wait until these people find out._

_My first day of school I was entering the first grade. My mother told me my teacher's name was ._

_I was so excited for my first day of school. My mom had even helped my pick out my school outfit. I had on a "I Wuv Ducks" shirt with rainbow suspenders attached to my blue jeans. It was a quirky outfit, but I absolutely adored it. _

_When I was finish eating breakfast my mom asked "Ready to go?"_

_"Yep! I am nervous though," I reply. "I mean what if they don't like me?" I mumbled in a quiet tone._

_"Now listen here, you are the sweetest girl in the world. It would cause and utter shock if people didn't like you. But don't worry about those who do not like you. Just ignore them." _

_"Thanks Mom." She always made me feel better._

_"OK, now let's get going. Don't wanna be late for the first day do we." She grab my pink backpack from of the table and put it over my shoulders. We drive all the way down the street until we reach the big red brick building with a playground on the side and green grass grazing the entire area in front of the school. And that folks is Lima Elementary. The place where I did not expect to fall in love._

_My mom turns around from the driver's seat and says.__ "You will do great Boo." and kisses my on the top of my head. I leave out of the car, closing the door behind me. I keep walking down the pathway leading to the big brown doors. Once I reach the doors I turn around and wave a good-bye to my mother. And with that she left to go to her morning shift at the hospital._

* * *

_I was so nervous when I entered the class. Everybody's eyes were set on me once I stepped a foot into that brown classroom door._

_"Hi you must Brittany." Mrs. Walker greeted with her hand out for me to shake it.__I reached my hand out slowly, evidently my hand was still shaking my nerves._

_She smiled at my nervousness. She turns forward to the class about to welcome my presence for my classmates._

_"Class this is Brittany. I want you guys to make her feel like a friend as you guys known each other since birth." she said._

_"Brittany you will be sitting next to Santana." she said while pointing to a brunette. Santana hears her name being called so she looks up. When she looks at me I see the most deepest brown eyes I have ever seen directing towards me._

_I look back at my teacher asking her if that was Santana. She nods and gives me a little push on the shoulders urging me to go on. I walk down the aisle to get to my seat next to Santana._

_When I sit I open my arms for a hug. She gives me a glare, but when she sees me smile her face suddenly softens._

_"I'm Brittany Susan Pierce and I would really like a hug..."I don't get to finish my sentence because she then gulfs me into a hug._

_While we were hugging I could feel butterflies in my stomach and tingles going through my body._

_I didn't know what it meant back then, I thought it was just because of making a new friend._

_She smiles and says "My name is Santana Marie Lopez."_

_That ladies and gentleman is the day I knew that she was going to be my best friend._

VxxVxxVxxV

I don't even realize we're here until Santana questions me her voice filled with excitement.

"Britt aren't you excited?"

"Yup we are going party till we can't party no more." I said while pumping my fist up the air.

I park the car by the curb of the street since there were so many cars outside Charlie's house.

I then turn off the car and step out. I ran to Santana's side and opened the door and curtsey. "M'Lady." I say in a fake British accent. She smiles at my voice. I reached out and took her hand and brought it to my lips to kiss it. She blushes at my action and looks up and says a quiet "thank you"

"Your welcome it is your birthday after all." I say still keeping the fake British accent.

"Okay you can stop know Bee." she laughs. She gives me the smile she only reserves for me. I also give her a big smile in return. She just makes me feel like I'm important. That I'm worthy. When I was young I used to always think that I was less of everybody else.

Then Charlie of course had to come out of the front door to ruin our sweet moment. "Happy Birthday baby!" Charlie says while staring suspiciously at our joined hands. "Hey babe uh...," Santana says guiltily. She then let's go of my hand quickly to hug Charlie.

Charlie hugs Santana and brings her head on her shoulder to whisper in her ear.

I smiled sadly at their interaction. All I thought was that I just wish it was me.

Charlie intertwine her and Santana's hands together. "Hey Brittany." Charlie greets.

I give her a tight-lipped smile. I then look to the left to see Santana. She isn't really paying attention to Charlie, but just me.

Her eyebrows contort in a worried expression. I know she can tell something was up with me. I just hope she forgets about it.

Charlie looks back and forth from me to Santana. I can tell she feels left out of our the conversation even if it's not verbal. "Guys...Guys!" Charlie yells to shake us from our trance. Santana and I look up to Charlie with a questioning glare.

"Let's go to the party, babe" she says while pulling Santana to the front door.

Santana stops her and turns to me and smiles "Come on Britt." she gestures her hand for me to come.

I smile back and reach for her hand. I turn my head to Charlie while smirking. She crossed her arms over her chest and let a small "Umph."in frustration while walking through with us.

When we enter all I see was the house full of friends and family. Once people saw Santana and I we were instantly greeted by an overwhelming amount of compliments.

I look around to see where was Charlie, and I found her talking to a guy I've never seen before by the kitchen. If I were I'd spend every living moment with Santana.

"Wow you guys look hot." says Quinn and Rachael nodding in agreement. We both reply thanks to them.

"Well we are going to say hi to people, so talk to guys later." I say while smiling.

"Kay see you guys later. I have to practice my vocals for karaoke later." said Rachel

"Whatever, dwarf you still need lots of more practice." Santana teases.

After saying 'Hello' and 'thank you' to people for complimenting us, we went to the kitchen to get drinks.

"Hey guys, damn y'all are hot!" said Kurt. "If I weren't gay I'd get up on all that."

"Thanks Kurt, but we really are glad you are gay though." I say playfully. Santana laughs at Kurt who is feigning sadness.

"Harsh Britt just harsh." Kurt says while clutching his chest.

"Come on Britt let me make us some drinks." said Santana.

I walk over to her and the blender. "Now what do you want The Lima Heights special or Snix Fire?" Both of the drinks were just unique mixes of drinks Santana and I made when we were in high school. Both were very good like the Snix Fire had a tangy taste to it but it wasn't strong.

"Uh give me... The Lima Heights" I decide. "Coming right up." she looks around the kitchen to search for ingredients.

When she finishes she hands me my drink. That's when I hear my favorite dance song. I look over to Santana wiggling my eyebrows suggesting we should dance.

She laughs "No Britt...," I pout with a puppy-dog expression."Pwease Sanny."

"Fine." She huffs. "_Damn that pout._" She adds under her breath.

"Yes!" ignoring the comment and just pumping my fist in the air. I grab both her arms dragging her to the middle of the dance floor.

The bass goes louder and I'm moving my hips to the beat with my front grinding on the back of Santana's arse. I hear a small whimper causing me to smirk inwardly. She turns around and our eyes meet. I smirked and drives my hips into her front just to tease her.

I see her biting her lower lip to hold a moan. She knows I'm teasing she then kisses my collarbone to retaliate. I try to stifle a moan, but it comes out anyways. She lifts her head and smirks at me. She moves to my neck and sucks the skin softly while nibbling it with her teeth.

When she does that I can feel a bulge in my underwear. _'Seriously right now!'_ I thought. We move are hips to the beat. It felt like our bodies were each other's missing puzzle piece.

When Santana looks at me I can see playfulness in her eyes, but when I look closer it takes me a minute to realize that she's waiting for me to do more.

I feel a surge of confidence as I cup her cheeks. I start to lean into her lips. '_Just a bit more.'_ I thought.

Then suddenly the music stops, and Santana and I break out of our trance to see what was going on. _'Ugh so fucking close.'_

All of a sudden we hear tapping of a wine glass, Charlie says "Excuse me can I get everyone's attention please?," everyone stops what they're doing to look at her.

"Thank you. Now I wanna say something. Santana and I are a couple," _'No shit Sherlock'_ I thought. "We've been together for a year now and it has been best year of my life so far." Charlie smiles while walking up to me and Santana.

She grabs Santana's hand and kneels. I froze '_Oh God! Please don't ask her what I think you're about to ask her. Come on! I was this close from kissing her.'_

I get shaken out of my thoughts when I hear the words I have always dread to hear ever since Charlie and Santana got together.

"Will you make the happiest person in the world and marry me?" Charlie asks

I glance over to Santana she has a shocked face on with a her mouth making and 'o' shape.

"Uh...uh," she stutters. Everybody has their eyes on Santana just waiting for her answer.

Santana looks my way and I hope she doesn't see tears in my eyes. But I was wrong she does notice.

She looks around to see everybody staring at her. I know she feels a big amount of pressure upon her. It takes few more seconds and I already know her answer.

"Yes..." she said in an unsure way. She then regains herself and pulls Charlie to her feet and she leans into Charlie's face to connect them with a kiss.

I don't know what's happening but I feel so numb. I can't feel anything, but just my heart breaking. I finally understand when someone says when your heart breaks it feels like you're dying.

Everybody seems so happy yelling their big cheers while I'm standing here in shock and in pain. But no one seems to notice me except for Quinn.

Quinn is the only person who knows about my real feelings for Santana. Some others just know bits and pieces, but Quinn knows the full story. I told her last summer when she saw me crying at night because I walked in on Santana and Charlie having sex.

After they finish kissing, reality sets in and I realize that I've just lost the most important person in my life.

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**And that folks is the improved Chapter. I hope this was a bit better than the one before. Don't hesitate to review. :)**

**~ V**


	2. Chapter 2 - It Hurts

**Author's Note**

**Hey Guys! I wanna thank you guys for reviewing and reading my story seriously it does mean a lot to me.**

**And thank you guys for the follows!**

**Give a huge thanks to BrittzandTana for being my Beta. She also stories so you can go check her out. **

**Enjoy~**

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**Summary- Being in love is amazing, but when you're in love with your best friend who is getting married, it's not the greatest feeling in the world to see her engaged. Still I rather sacrifice my happiness for hers. If that means keeping in my feelings that's exactly what I'm going to do. (G!P)**

**Words- 8k+**

**Rating- NC-17**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Glee . This is an alternative universe. Also a profit is not being made.**

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I stand there with pain flowing through my body even though Santana, my best friend, just got engaged. A regular best friend would be overly enthusiastic, but I cannot be filled with joy when the girl I love is getting married.

Telling her that I love her will ruin our whole entire friendship. In high school, she would always make sure I was protected and happy and now it's her turn.

Let me tell you something about Santana Lopez; Santana in high school seemed like a bitch, but to me she was the sweetest person in the entire word. Everyday, no matter what time it was, she would make me feel so special, like I was her number one girl. Maybe I am just scared of rejection because she means more to me than any other person. She is all that I think about, all that I need, and all that I want. And if she rejects me, I will literally wither away.

Quinn interrupts my brooding by running up to me with open arms. I can tell she's trying to comfort me, and I love her more because of that. When she reaches me and pulls me into a hug, I whimper due to the fact that I am on the verge of crying.

"I am so sorry Brittany," she whispers. Her voice reassures me that everything is going to be okay, but how am I suppose to believe her when my heart is telling me differently?

"If only she could see that you truly love her more than Charlie does, and how much more happy you could make her, if you guys were together," Quinn says. I know she is suggesting that I tell Santana how I feel about her. I know she's just saying it for my benefit, but that doesn't stop the vexation flaring in the pit of my stomach. She just doesn't understand.

I pull away angrily from our hug. "No I can't tell her, okay? You have to understand that she is the one that's going to happy, and that if I tell her I love her it will ruin our friendship," I snap in anger.

"Brittany, calm down okay? Though I do think you should tell her," she says softly. She then adds, "Just remember, most of the time it's worth it."

I reply in a soft voice, "I can't okay... I just can't." I try to hold back my tears. My face contorts into a sad expression. "She's engaged to beautiful woman now, and I can't ruin that for her."

"You're so sweet B," Quinn replies. I wave my hand to indicate that I don't feel like talking about it anymore, and Quinn nods in understanding. It just hurts too much. I just wanna go back to my apartment and hopefully ease myself to sleep to wash away the pain. Then I remember that Santana lives there with me. I even remember when we bought it. She was so happy to find a place we both love.

_VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV_

February 21, 2013

_"If you guys will follow me to the kitchen," our realtor says. "It has a marble island with white cabinets and a touch of modern with it." He turns to us after he finishes talking about the kitchen. "So this is it. Do you guys like the apartment or do you want me to show you ladies the last one?"_

S_antana and I look to each other and have a secret conversation with our eyes. It was always a special skill that we both picked up on when we were little._

_'Do you like it?' I ask her with my eyes._

_'Uh it's nice but it really doesn't have that homey feel to it,' replies Santana._

_'You're right,' I turn to our realtor, who is playing angry birds with his phone._

_When he feels my eyes on him he looks up and quickly puts his phone in his pocket to go back to looking professional. He questions, "So?"_

_"Uh... could you take us to see the last one?" Santana asks._

_"Alright let's go!" he says, while clapping his hands together._

_Once we get to an apartment in the center of New York, we go to the elevator and he presses the 20th floor, which is the floor of the apartment. The highest is the 25th floor. In the elevator, my feet are just bouncing with excitement. When it was our senior year in high school, we would always talk about moving to New York together, but when I failed the last year, I was so sad. Still, Santana waited for me even though she could have just gone to the city of her dreams. But no, she chose to stay. That's one of the many reasons why I love her. We're always there for each other._

_Ding. The elevator opens, and the realtor holds the elevator door_ _and waves his hand for us to go first._

_When we reach the hallway to Apartment 2001, he says, "Here we are, the asking price for the apartment is 300,000 dollars."_

_We both nod at his statement. He reaches in his pocket for the key, opens the door, and gestures for us to enter._

_Once we enter, an expression of awe comes over my face. This place is amazing, I think. I glance over at Santana to see her reaction._

_She's standing there with a Cheshire grin on her face, showing her cute little dimple above her eyebrow. She turns to me, her mouth wording, "This is the one, B."_

_I turn back to our realtor, giving him a thumps up with a big grin on my face. "All righty then I'll go get the paperwork for you guys to sign, and then this place will be yours."_

_Santana and I turn to each other with big smiles on our faces. We are so happy to find a place that we can call home. She runs up to me with open arms and with a big beautiful "Brittany" smile. I like to call it that when she has a big grin stretched across her face, showing a little dimple on her forehead. I know she only reserves that smile for me and that's one of the reasons why I love her. She feels comfortable showing her true personality to me even if she isn't trying. I feel her arms circle my waist and I happily return the hug. While we are standing there in a state of bliss, I feel tingles rushing through my body. I don't know how long we stand there, but it feels like I could stand there with her in my arms for hours to come. I could forget about everything and everybody in the world._

_"Ahem..." The realtor coughs to interrupt our moment. I smile warmly at Santana as we pull apart from our heart-warming hug._

"Okay, I need you girls to sign here and this place will be yours."

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

"I have to go Q, but I will call you in the morning okay?" My head is just pounding and my body is in pain. I don't know what to do anymore. So many thoughts are flowing through my head now. "Should I listen to Quinn?" and "Let her be happy with Charlie. This is my turn to protect her" are two of them. "Okay, B. Are you sure you should go home alone though?" Quinn asks.

"Yeah I'll be fine Q," I lie, just to assure her that I'll be okay eventually.

"Okay bye B, I'll call you tomorrow. I'll even bring tubs of ice cream so we can sit on the sofa and watch cheesy comedy movies." I smile warmly at her attempt for trying to cheer me up.

"Ok see you tomorrow, love you," I say while walking towards the door. I don't bother saying goodbye to others because they are to busy congratulating Santana and Charlie for their engagement. I look over to Santana she's sitting next to Charlie with a smile on her face. "I wish that was me," I mutter quietly. Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? Oh I know why, it's because she's fucking beautiful, she takes my breath away with everything she does, she's sweet, smart, funny... I could go on forever on why I love her, but I'm really tired tonight.

What she doesn't notice is that Santana's smile doesn't reach her eyes.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

No one's POV

Brittany is lying on the right side of her bed with tears running down her eyes. No matter how hard she tries to detour her mind off of a certain gorgeous Latina, her thoughts always keep leading to Santana. Minutes of draining her eyes out and thinking about the person she loves, who doesn't love her back, have passed. People might say she should just tell Santana how she feels, but Brittany just can't physically and emotionally tell Santana. It hurts even more to know that Santana might never look at Brittany as more than a best friend. Santana has her heart and if Santana rejects her, Brittany would probably die. Brittany knows she might be a little melodramatic right about now, but that's how strong of a power Santana has over her.

Brittany is so deep in her thoughts that she doesn't notice that the person she is so desperately in love with just came home.

Santana locks the door behind her. Charlie just dropped her off after the party. She tiredly rubs her eyes. Santana knows Brittany went home before her. She checks the clock above the sofa it displays 10:00. She told Charlie to take her home early, so she could check on Brittany.

All of the sudden, Santana hears sobs coming from Brittany's room. She hates hearing Brittany cry. Every time Brittany even sheds a tear of sadness, her body just flares with anger. "Britt...?" she calls while going on the path to Brittany's room. She knocks softly. "B, are you okay?" No reply comes, so Santana latches her hand on the doorknob to open the door. Once she opens the door, she's met by a heart-wrenching sight.

Brittany is lying there in bed with puddles of tears surrounding her. She looks so vulnerable and hurt. Santana has never seen Brittany so bare, and it kills her to know that someone has caused her best friend pain. Without anymore thinking, Santana runs up to the bed and crawls in the space behind Brittany. "Britt-Britt, I promise that I will kill whoever did this to you." The statement makes Brittany shed even harder tears. " Shh...Shh... Let's get you changed into something comfortable,'' Santana coos into Brittany's ear. Brittany nods in reply and sits up. Santana gets off the bed and pick two t-shirts and shorts for them to wear. She goes behind Brittany and unzips her dress, the piece of clothing falling off of Brittany shoulders.

Santana has an "awed-expression" when she sees Brittany sitting on the bed with her hair cascading over her shoulders. She's so beautiful, Santana thinks, but what she doesn't realize is that she's said it out loud for Brittany to hear.

Brittany, who's still sad, blushes at Santana's comment. Santana realizes her mistake and changes the subject so things wouldn't be awkward. "...Uh I'll just go change in the bathroom," Santana says.

"Okay," Brittany answers sadly. Brittany returns back to undressing herself as Santana walks into the bathroom.

When Santana reaches the bathroom, she closes the door behind her and leans her head against the door while letting out a long dramatic exhale. "I can't believe I said that." Well can you blame me? I mean Brittany is a beautiful, tall, lean, sweet, and thousands of more things. She still lets out a small, aroused smile when she thinks about Brittany's body. Even though Santana was a full on true lesbian, she couldn't help but be a bit aroused at a girl who was born with a male appendage. Okay, stop Santana! This is your best friend. She shakes her head, to hopefully get rid of images currently popping in her head at the thought of Brittany.

Once Santana returns to the room, Brittany is already under the covers curled up on the right side of the bed. Santana softly tip toes to the bed even though she knows Brittany is still awake. She just doesn't wanna disturb Brittany with her footsteps.

When she reaches the bed she quietly crawls on her side of the bed and spoons Brittany from behind. She reaches down to Brittany's ear to whisper, "Go to sleep gorgeous, we'll talk tomorrow." Santana turns her head for her lips to kiss Brittany's cheek. Santana is suddenly charged with tingles flowing through her lips and through her whole entire body from kissing Brittany's cheek. She pulls her face away slowly while intently looking at Brittany with a questioning stare. She never felt this way before, but without any question Santana chooses to ignore it.

After a few minutes of Santana waiting for Brittany to sleep she moves her head to softly whisper into Brittany's ear, "Do you want me to sing to you?" Brittany hears the raspy tone with softness behind it, which causes her to smile at Santana's question. Whenever Brittany would feel like a sad, sad panda, Santana would always sing to her to cheer her up. No matter how upset Brittany was, Santana would always be there to cheer her up.

Brittany replies, "Always." Santana smiles warmly in reply. Santana loves singing to Brittany. The best thing about it is Brittany's reaction. The way her face lights up, her lips curving up into a big smile, or just her beautiful blue eyes staring back at her brown ones. Every time when blue eyes would gaze at brown eyes, an indescribable connection would spark off. They both always knew that there was a connection happening, but neither was brave enough to speak up.

She knows the perfect song to sing to Brittany for her to cheer up. Brittany rolls on her left side to face Santana. Santana reaches her hand out for Brittany, Brittany is hesitant to return the gesture, but nevertheless, she still grabs it. Santana loves the way her and Brittany's hand feel together. Their hands fit so well together, as if they were meant to be.

_If you wake up and don't want to smile,_  
_If it takes just a little while,_  
_Open your eyes and look at the day,_  
_You'll see things in a different way._

When Santana sings with her raspy voice, it makes Brittany's heart race. Santana's mouth is so close to her neck that goose bumps appear where her breath is hitting. A bit of arousal hits her, traveling through her body to her penis. It takes all of her willpower not to flip Santana over and take her right then and there. Brittany then remembers that Santana is not hers, and will never be hers. More tears run down Brittany's face just by the though.

_Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,_  
_Don't stop, it'll soon be here,_  
_It'll be, better than before,_  
_Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone._

Santana brings their intertwined hands to her chest where her heart is located. Brittany feels Santana's heartbeat match with hers. When they were little, their heartbeats would always emulate with each other. Brittany loves that about Santana, that no matter what, their hearts will invariably beat with each other.

Brittany feels her eyes slowly closing as she starts to drift into sleep, but she shakes her head to keep her awake. She wants to keep listening to Santana's lively tone. However her body fails to do so.

_All I want is to see you smile,_  
_If it takes just a little while,_  
_I know you don't believe that it's true,_  
_I never meant any harm to you._

Santana smiles at Brittany's attempt of staying awake. She pauses for a second to kiss Brittany's cheek.

_Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,_  
_Don't stop, it'll soon be here,_  
_It'll be, better than before,_  
_Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone._

And with that Brittany drifts off into a peaceful slumber.

_Don't you look back,_  
_Don't you look back_.

Santana finishes softly and looks back to Brittany, who is now fast asleep. She kisses Brittany's cheek one last time and she herself falls into a deep sleep.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

Santana's POV

Sunlight shines in the room causing me to wake up, because Brittany leaves her curtains open all the time. She likes waking up to the sunlight flooding through her blinds and falling asleep with the view of the stars. Brittany angles the blinds too, so if you're lying down with your head against the headboard you will have a perfect view of the stars.

Speaking of Britt, whenever we would sleep in the same bed together, I would always look forward to waking up next to her. I love seeing the way the sun bounces off her skin, the way her golden hair is the brightest thing in the morning, and when she wakes up to show those blue sapphire eyes.

I look over to my right to glance at Brittany. She looks absolutely adorable to me, even with some strands of hair sticking to the drool on the corner of her mouth, and with her arms wrapped loose around my waist. Our bodies would always find each other, even in a numb state. I gently grab her arms from around my abdomen and move them away to the small space between us. I quickly lift the blanket from my body to get out of Brittany's bed. Once I'm fully out of the bed, Brittany instinctively reaches out for my pillow, and curls her body to snuggle into its side. A big smile appears on my face at the desperate movement to replace my presence with a pillow.

Last night Brittany was really upset, and I wonder why. Before we went to the party, Brittany was being her regular self and now she's acting like Rachel Berry after she fails at an audition. I'm her best friend, and I am supposed to know why she is upset. I can't help but feel guilty because I was to busy partying rather to care for my best friend, who is clearly upset.

* * *

I go into the kitchen to make my famous pancakes. Well, maybe not famous, but I know Brittany loves them. It's her favorite breakfast. I hope my pancakes can kind of cheer her up a little bit. When she failed our senior year, she would mope around until I was there to bring a smile to her innocent face.

I walk over to the kitchen table to grab my phone, plugging in my ear buds, and start playing Fine By Me, by Andy Grammer. I love this song. It was the song that Brittany and I used to dance to when we were little. When my dad bought a video camera, Brittany and I used to record us singing. She would dance and I would sing; we were a perfect duo.

I swing my hips to the beat while making the pancakes, feeling like I'm in my own little world. I bring out the moonwalk as my pancakes continue to cook.

I turn to do a little Chris Brown move when I see a stunning blond leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. She laughs warmly. "Don't stop on my account."

"Haha, look who's happy this morning," I reply. I can stare at Brittany all day. She is so beautiful. Brittany is wearing a white v-neck with gray baggy shorts, and her hair is tied up into a sloppy bun. God my best friend is gorgeous. I think, Stop Santana you're engaged for god's sake.

Brittany bites her lip and dips her head to hide her blush, which was maybe caused by my long, intent stare. "Uh... yeah I was just really drunk last night and I guess I was a little emotional," Brittany says.

"Bee, I know something was wrong last night." She knows she can't lie to me. We've been friends since the first grade.

"Don't worry I'm over it, now so are you excited about your engagement?" Brittany replies to change the subject.

"I don't wanna talk about Charlie right now. I wanna know what's wrong with you," I say, knowing Brittany is keeping something from me. I turn back to the stove to get the pancakes. My hand reaches for the spatula placed on the top of the lower cabinet. I place the perfectly brown cooked pancakes on Brittany's plate.

Brittany walks over to the table and pulls out the wooden chair, causing a squeaky as it scrapes against the white kitchen tiles. I join her at the table, so that I can eat breakfast with her. "Mmmm... this is so good," Brittany says with her cheeks stuffed with pancakes.

"Bee, stop ignoring the question... just tell me what's wrong?" I ask sincerely. She gulps loudly her eyes are full of fear and sadness. "Okay I'll tell you," she says, putting her utensils down. I grab her hands to urge her to tell me what was upsetting her last night.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

Brittany's POV

I have to tell her a lie. She'll probably find out the truth eventually, but it's worth a try. " I...w-was... sad, because I thought I would lose you as a b-best friend." I know I could never lose Santana, but it's a good lie. I just hope she believes me. I can't just blurt out that I love her more than a best friend. It could ruin our whole entire friendship and I won't risk it, not for something stupid.

"Bee," Santana says softly. She holds my hand and brings it on her lap. "You can never lose me. Nobody, and I mean nobody, will ever come between us." I smile warmly at her statement, but there's a thought wandering in the back of my mind. Is what she's saying true?

"Thanks. That makes me feel a lot better, San," I lie. It doesn't make me feel better, I just want to make her happy. It's just better this way. I hate lying to Santana. She trusts me more than anyone else in the world, and I'm just taking advantage of her trust. But it all works out in the end.

"Okay," Santana says while showing her a sincere smile. "Now since we got that settle. Aren't you excited for the wedding?" I think about her question. The question is causing thoughts to start flooding within my head. Am I happy for her? Of course I mean like I said, if she's happy I'm happy even though it's breaking me apart.

"...Y-Yeah...I'm happy for you. I truly am," I reply shakily. Santana body is filled with so much joy that she doesn't even notice that my heart's breaking. She is the only person that can read me like a book. And what's sad is when I finally need her, she doesn't even notice that I'm breaking.

"Thanks Bee, that is why I wanna ask my best friend in the whole wide universe if she would like to be my maid of honor?" Santana asks cheerfully. She practically is bouncing up and down from excitement. I laugh warmly at her joyous actions, but then I remember it's not caused by me.

"Of course, anything for you," I reply trying to feign enthusiasm. Santana jumps up with quickly wraps her hands around my middle. After a few seconds she pulls way.

"I'm getting married Bee!" she exclaims while doing her happy dance. She is so happy, and I think maybe not telling her how I feel is the right thing to do.

After Santana's little celebration she runs off to her room, yelling that she needs to visit Charlie at her law firm. When she leaves to bring Charlie lunch, I reach over to get my phone off the coffee table. My eyes are brimming with tears.

I unlock my phone to call Quinn who is the only person I can talk to right now. The phone starts ringing.

'Hello, B?'

"Hey Q I...n-need you right now," I say, trying to hold back my sobs. My voice is coming out like hiccups.

"I'll be right there," she says in a voice filled with worry. All I am left with is the dial tone after she hangs up.

A lot of times I think back in when I was in high school I should have told her that I loved her with all my heart. I would try so hard to get her attention, but she would always ignore me. I mean who would blame her, I'm a freak. Santana even said so herself. When we were in our junior year, Santana lost her virginity to a boy. I was just filled with sadness, hate, and jealousy when she told me, but most of all I was filled with disappointment. We promised to each other that we would save our virginity for someone we truly love. And I was saving it for the girl I'd been in love with since the day I met her in first grade.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

_April 1, 2010_

_Brittany is on her bed, lying on her stomach doing her homework, when she hears footsteps approach the outside of her door. The person owning those soft footsteps gently knocks on her door. "Come in." Brittany says. Santana hears a faint 'Come in' on the other side of the door. She opens the door and sees Brittany doing her homework. She looks so cute when she's focused. Santana thought of Brittany, who has her eyebrows contorted in a serious way while her tongue poking out slightly. She picked up that habit when she was in third Grade._

_Brittany feels a pair of eyes watching her she looks up and she's encountered by warm chocolate-covered eyes. "Hey, San!" Brittany says happily, because Santana is here in her room. Whenever Santana is around she's just instinctively filled with excitement. "Hey, Bee," Santana says weakly, her eyes focusing down like she's ashamed of something._

_"What's wrong San?" Brittany asks worriedly._

_"Can I tell you something?" Santana asks._

_"Of course anything you know that S." Brittany lifts Santana's chin so they can look at each other. Brittany can tell that there is something wrong with her best friend. When electric blue meets nut-brown eyes, a spark is ignited between the two. Santana can tell that Brittany is trying to read her._

_"I...I-I slept with Matt," Santana confesses. When Brittany hears the reason why Santana is here she suddenly feels her knees weaken. She can't hold herself anymore her body is just charged with numbness, but Santana suddenly notices her happy attitude change into an angry demeanor. "Are you ok Bee?" Santana asks. No, of course not. I had always dreamed of you being my first and now you've ruined it, Brittany thinks._

_Brittany's body is filled with jealousy and hurt. "Why him, Santana? You know what he does to girls!" I snap._

_There were so many stories about Matt, a meat head jock. He would sleep with any girl, just to satisfy his needs. The point is he manipulates girls. She doesn't mean to be angry, but she can't stop the anger from flowing through her body. "Bee why are you so angry?"_

_It takes Brittany about half a minute before replying. "Because, we promised each other that we would save it until we truly love someone. And y-you broke your... promise." Santana has never seen Brittany so mad before. Of course Brittany gets frustrated with Santana, but never angry. Her blue eyes are glistening with anger, and it's really scaring Santana._

_"What do you mean why did I do it? I was sick of people talking about me being a virgin, so I just slept with him to get it over with already!" Santana replies angrily._

_"You just wanted to get it over with? Do you know how crazy you sound? Remember the time were we promised we would wait until we found someone we truly love?" Brittany yells in anger, because she'd been waiting for Santana to realize that she's the person who truly loved her with all her heart._

_"No one will ever love me!" She yells back._

_"That's not true!" Brittany screeches. It takes Santana aback, because Brittany rarely screams and if she does, you either hurt her or made her mad and Santana did both. Brittany notices how close they are to each other she backs up a little to create space between them. Usually she likes being close to Santana, but right now she is furious. It's just all to overwhelming in Brittany's head. They are both breathing heavily. When Santana looks up at Brittany, she sees sapphire-blue eyes which are filled with anger, but when Santana looks a little closer she sees love behind Brittany's anger._

_She doesn't even know if she is reading Brittany right, so to save them both, Santana causes her instinct to kick up causing her walls to keep building up to protect her and Brittany. But sometimes she can say things that are over the line...like now. "Oh yeah, enough talk about me. What about you? You think someone would love a freak like you?" When the words leave Santana's mouth she instinctively regrets it. Brittany stands there with her bottom lip quivering like she is about to cry. "Oh my God, I didn't mean it Bee," Santana says truthfully while trying to reach her arms out for Brittany. She's hurt when Brittany steps back from her arms, even though she knows she deserves it._

_"You really think that? I'm a freak?" No reply comes from Santana's mouth. Santana feels stupid that she can't say what she's thinking: No you're fucking beautiful. Brittany stands there waiting for Santana to say something._

_"Just leave Santana," Brittany says feeling dejected._

_"Wait Bee... I didn't me—"_

_"No I don't wanna hear it. Santana just leave!" Brittany interrupts. Santana, who is feeling defeated, finally gives in and walks to the door. She hears Brittany's sobs behind her she turns around and says softly, "I'm sorry Bee."_

_And that was the first time Santana ever broke Brittany's heart._

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

No One's POV

When the doorbell rings, Brittany rises to her feet to answer the door. Brittany opens the door to reveal Quinn standing there with two tubs of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and three comedy movies.

"Hey Britt, I bring gifts for you heartache." Quinn says as she hugs Brittany warmly. "Thanks Q." Brittany mumbles in Quinn's shoulder. "Let's get to eating away our pain." Quinn laughs while she drags Brittany to the sofa.

* * *

1 hour later...

"She asked me to be her maid of honor, Quinn. I mean how am I supposed to be happy for her? It's just so hard." Brittany says sadly.

After Quinn and Brittany finish the ice cream and a comedy movie, they go to the alcohol cabinet to grab their other buddy Jack Daniels to join the party.

"You know...I try my hardest to get her to notice me, but she still pays no attention to the girl who loves her more than anything in the world," Brittany whimpers as she takes another drink from the bottle. After she's taken her long gulp, she passes the bottle of Jack to Quinn. "It's her loss Britt...i-if she doesn't want you than she's crazy," Quinn slurs.

"Thanks Q... I guess."

In high school, Quinn and Brittany weren't really that close, but once Santana and Brittany moved to New York, and they heard Quinn was moving also, they decided to meet up with each other. The Unholy Trinity was reunited again. Even though in high school they weren't so close, Brittany trusted her enough to tell Quinn about her feelings for Santana. They got closer and closer over the months until they considered each other as best friends.

While the two best friends are drinking away Brittany's misery, they hear Santana fumbling with the key to open the door. "Fuck, I've lived here for months and I still can't open the goddamn door," Brittany and Quinn hear the Latina struggle to open the doo.

They look at each other and mutter, ''Shit." They scramble to clean their empty bottles. "Shit she's home," Brittany says while she runs to the trash. When the door finally opens, Brittany and Quinn run to the sofa. They both land at the same time causing the sofa to hit the wall and make a loud thud.

"What are you guys doing?" Santana asks suspiciously. The apartment reeks of alcohol, because of Brittany and Quinn's little escapade. "Nothing!" Brittany says too quickly, which causes the Latina to raise an eyebrow, questioning the blonde's strange attitude. "Uh...so why did you come home so early?" Quinn asks. It's only 1:02. Santana usually comes back at night if she goes and sees Charlie.

"Charlie was busy working on a project, so I thought I should just come home," she replies. Brittany flinches at the name of Santana's fiancé. Quinn looks at Brittany with a knowing look. To spare Brittany an unpleasant situation, she changes the topic.

"So how have you've been doing?" Quinn says awkwardly. Santana can feel the tension in the room. She always hated awkwardness and she what she hates more is being the third wheel. She knows that Quinn and Brittany are hiding something from her.

"Good...uh so I'm just going go to my room." Santana announces awkwardly.

"Ok I'm just going to leave then," Quinn utters after Santana announces that she's about to leave. Brittany looks over to Quinn with a questioning glare on her face. Why is she leaving so early? "I have a thing... in the um like morning so I have to go," she says to answer Brittany's glare. Santana on the other hand is just watching her best friends' interaction with each other Why are they acting so weird today? she wonders. While she's in a train of thought, Quinn is mouthing the words 'You need to talk to her' to Brittany. 'No,' Brittany replies. 'Ye,.' Quinn mouths back. Quinn has the 'You aren't going win this fight glare' on, and that make Brittany sigh in defeat. 'Fine.'

"Ok then...see you guys later!" Quinn yells as she leaves the apartment.

The door closes with a small noise, and Santana looks at Brittany and says, "What did you guys do so bad that you had to lie to me? Also why does our apartment smell like a freaking bar?"

Brittany is sitting on the sofa with her back straight up and her head looking down to her hands, which are playing with the hem of her shirt. "Bee," Santana sighs. She goes and sits next to Brittany who still hasn't looked up to notice her. "What's wrong Bee? I thought we talked about this earlier today?" Santana questions with concern in her voice. Brittany still hasn't looked up to Santana, she's just too embarrassed. There were tears running down her face, and Santana notices them. Santana then grabs Brittany into a hug.

It's in this moment where Santana realizes she had to get everything off her plate to focus on her best friend who needs her the most right now.

"Bee," Santana coos in Brittany ear. Brittany feels the soft voice in her right ear, and looks up to see the beautiful Latina staring back at her.

"Britt-Britt, please tell me who hurt you," Santana sniffles while tears are running down her cheeks. Whenever Brittany hurt, Santana always felt empathy for her, and seeing her best friend cry just breaks her heart. Who would want there best friend hurting? The most hurtful part is that she won't even tell Santana why she's hurting.

Brittany just couldn't tell Santana why she's hurting inside, because she could ruin everything they had built since first grade.

"Just please...please tell me so I can make you feel better," Santana begs. Brittany locks her eyes with Santana's. She is going to regret this so much, but it has to be done.

"I can't... I'm sorry," Brittany whimpers. Santana's face is changed into a hurt expression.

"Do you not trust me or something? I-I'm your best friend Brittany. We tell each other every fucking thing!" Brittany winces at the curse word that left Santana's mouth. Santana usually doesn't curse at Brittany, but when your best friend, who you trust with your life, won't even tell you what's hurting them for so long that they have to drink away their pain fucking hurts.

Santana abruptly stands up from the sofa, she's walking away. She's hurt and she really doesn't wanna sit next to the reason why.

"S-Santana, I'm sorry," Brittany says, sobbing into her hand. Santana ignores her plead and just keeps walking away. Wait, Quinn was over...she told Lucy, but not me. She turns around to face Brittany. The blonde is sitting on the sofa, crying in her hands. She flinches at the sight, and she just wants to run up to Brittany and give her a hug to make her feel better. To prevent her from doing just that, she pinches her arm, leaving a very red mark on her olive tone. "Did you tell Quinn why you are upset?" Santana asks quietly, but clearly enough for the blonde to hear. Brittany looks up from her hands, which are wet from tears, she is curious as to why Santana asked the question. She stares at Santana for a moment, and then it hits her.

"I...I d-did," Brittany answers sadly. She doesn't lie about it, because Santana is going to find out anyway. Santana always finds out.

Santana just stood there with her mouth agape, her tears flowing faster than before. Santana is hurt because Brittany can't even trust her enough to tell her, what proves Santana was right is because she even told Quinn before her.

Santana runs off to her room with the door slamming shut, leaving the sad blond on the sofa to drown in tears.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

Santana's POV

"Ugh, why can't she just tell me why she's hurting?" I sigh in the phone. When I entered my room, I just burst into tears. After a thirty minute cry session, I got my phone and I called Charlie.

"Maybe you should just give her time to tell you," Charlie replies.

"It just hurts you know, to have your best friend lie to you," I say in vexation.

"I don't have time to talk right now I'm just busy working on this stupid case, maybe later?" Charlie sighs in frustration.

"Ok, talk to you tomorrow then."

"Love y—" Charlie says. I hang up before she can even finish her sentence.

Maybe Charlie is right. I should have just waited until Brittany was ready to tell me. All I can do now is just hope she can tell me soon.

Now that I think about it, I feel like freaking douche for how I treated her. She probably wasn't ready and rather than being there for her I practically tried to force it out of her. Why am I so stupid? I have to go apologize.

I literally ran out of my room once that thought came through my mind. I go to Brittany's room which is right down the hall from my room, and knock softly. A few seconds pass, and I hear no reply. I open it the slightly for my head to peek in. "Britt, are you in here?" I ask with concern in my voice. I open the door wide, so I can enter the blonde's room to go searching for her. I search her entire room and found no sign of my best friend anywhere. Where is she?

I search everywhere in our apartment. I don't know where the hell she is, but I hope I can find her soon. Maybe I'm just overreacting I mean she could have just went for a walk, but that still doesn't soothe the worried feeling in my stomach, which is growing bigger and bigger the longer I don't know the whereabouts of Brittany.

Perhaps I should call Quinn or Rachel on where she is. I decide to call Quinn first since she's closer to Brittany than Rachel is.

I dial the familiar number into my new phone. I still don't know how to use this new shit. I bought this phone last week because of a certain mishap. I was in a public bathroom. I don't usually go to a nasty public bathroom, but I had to go. Like, really go. While I was doing my business, I forgot that my phone was in my back pocket. So long story short it dropped into the toilet. When I told Brittany, she laughed her ass off.

"Hello Santana," Quinn greets. I ignore her greeting and just go to straight to the reason I called Quinn.

"Have you seen Brittany?" I ask her frantically.

"Uh I haven't seen her since I left your apartment. Is she not there with you?" Quinn replies.

"Well evidently not. She just left before I could apologize to her."

"Apologize? What did you do to her?" Quinn asks with a hint of aggressiveness.

I rub my head in frustration before answering. "Ugh, I was being an ass like usual, so we got into an argument. I just wanna find her so I can apologize."

"Look, I don't know what happened between you two, but she really was upset. Maybe you should give her some space," Quinn suggests. Maybe I should, I mean I have been on Brittany's back a lot lately.

"Thanks Q. If you hear any thing please call me."

"Of course," Quinn says. Just as I'm about to hang up, I hear her call out to me. "Wait... when two people like you and Brittany really care about each other, you guys will always look for a way to make it work. No matter how hard it is." Quinn says. That's Quinn for you; she will always say things that make you think.

"Thanks again," I say while my lips curve up in a small smile to show appreciation. Since Quinn doesn't know where Brittany is, there's no point in asking Rachel. I'll just wait until Brittany comes home.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

3 hours later...

Brittany's POV

Having a fight with your best friend sucks. What's bad is that you are in love with that certain best friend. And what makes it worse is that the universe, who supposedly hates you, makes that certain best friend marry someone else.

After the fight I had with Santana, I went for a run to start thinking about definite things. Things like Santana thinking I don't trust her enough to tell her what's wrong with me. No, she's wrong, I do trust her. I trust her with my freaking life. It's just better to keep this secret between me and Quinn. Another thing is should I tell Santana how I feel? This is so complicated.

Once I finish my thought-filled run, I go up to my apartment. When I enter my apartment, I am engulfed into a hug. I instantly know it's Santana, her hugs are just so heart-warming, sweet, and compassionate. That's one of the many reasons why I love Santana Lopez. She makes me feel loved.

"Where were you?" Santana asks worriedly, her voice coming out a little muffled since she's speaking into my shoulder. I just went for run. Maybe I should have told Santana where I was going.

"Uh... I just went for a run to think about some stuff. Are you okay?" I ask in the same worried voice as Santana. I hadn't thought that she was searching for me. I'd thought she would be happy that I was gone for a while.

"I'm okay now that you're here," Santana says sweetly. "But next time can you warn a girl?" She asks, more seriously.

We stand there in the middle of the living room, hugging each other. It's about two minutes until she pulls away. She looks me in the eye and started talking. "Since you're here I wanna apologize for how I acted earlier." Wait, she's apologizing? She didn't do anything wrong.

"San you don't h—" Santana puts her fingers against my lips, to shush me.

"I was being a jerk to you; I should have waited until you were ready to tell me what made you upset. Talking to Charlie and Quinn made me realize that," she says.

I physically wince at the Charlie's name. I don't mean to do it, it's just a reflex. "It's okay and I appreciate it. I will tell you, but just not today." She nods in agreement, but I can see sadness in her eyes. Once she notices her mistake she quickly shows me a small smile.

"Good, well a while ago when you were gone, Charlie invited me to go to a restaurant tonight to celebrate our engagement. I wanna ask you if you would like to go with me." Santana ask hopefully. Oh god if I go to this dinner it might be really awkward, but if I don't go Santana is going to be more worried about me.

"S-Sure," I answer in an unsure voice. She looks at me in an 'are you sure you're okay?' face. After I realize my little slip, I quickly regain my composure before answering again. "Yeah, we should go together." The corners of her lips curl up into a wide smile. I love making her smile; it brings so many unicorns flying through my stomach. I think she's so breathtakingly beautiful when she smiles. Actually, everything she does is beautiful.

When we were little I would do anything possible to make her smile. I would do crazy things. One time, when she had gotten in trouble at school, she was so disappointed in herself. To cheer her up, I ran into a pole for her to laugh. She did show a small smile, so it was worth it.

She always knew what I was doing. Whenever I made her smile, she would invariably tell me, "No one can make me smile like you do."

"You know Bee, no one can make me smile like you do," Santana says sweetly, snapping me out of my thoughts. My cheeks flush at the comment. She smiles even wider at my response. God, she's so beauteous, no wonder I fell in love with her. She can brighten a whole entire room with her smile.

"Not even Charlie?" I ask optimistically. Her smile drops at my question and her face turns serious.

Why did I ask that? Stupid, I mentally pound my head into a wall. Of course I can't make her happier than Charlie can; otherwise she'd be with me. I instinctively focus my eyes to the floor to avoid her warm brown orbs which is looking straight at me. She reaches her hand out to lift my chin up for her to look directly in my eyes.

"Like I said, no one can make me smile like you do," Santana declares. The tone of her voice is filled with so much love and compassion. Just for a second I think she might love me back too.

Just as hope begins to overfill my body, she pulls away, coughs in her hand and says "We should get ready. I wanna get there early to meet Charlie.'' She then walks away to the pathway to her room, leaving me standing in the living room with a downhearted spirit.

VxxVxxVxxVxxVxxV

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter sorry if it took a while it's just school has been a bit hard, but I'll still update. And if you guys want to suggest a character that you would like to see in this story just tell me.**

**- VxxBrittana**


	3. Chapter 3 - The Dinner

**Author's Note**

**Thank you guys again for the support for this story I'm also working on the future chapters to hopefully make my updates come sooner. Thanks again to you guys and my awesome beta. BrittzandTana so again check her out too! Enjoy~**

**Summary- Being in love is amazing, but when you're in love with your best friend who is getting married, it's not the greatest feeling in the world to see her engaged. Still I rather sacrifice my happiness for hers. If that means keeping in my feelings that's exactly what I'm going to do. (G!P)**

**Words- 6.1k+**

**Rating- M**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Glee . This is an alternative universe. Also profit is not being made.**

* * *

_God can this dinner get any worse?_

An hour and a half after me and Santana got to this restaurant and Charlie is already rambling on and on about her and Santana's future plans for their "big wedding". I am probably just annoyed because of the sound of Charlie's voice. "—we should totally have a summer wedding, Santana." Wait, definitely annoyed by her voice, but so many more emotions were just passing through in and out of my body. Like confusion, that's the one. Santana Lopez has the power to make me confused out of my freaking mind. About two hours before, I was convinced that she loved me the same way as I love her, but now seeing Santana and Charlie happily talking about the wedding makes me wonder why I even hoped that she ever loved me more than as her best friend.

"Mmhmm maybe that is a good idea. We're both never very busy in the summer. Also, summer brings great weather and a cool honeymoon," Santana replies. She is sitting next to Charlie while I'm sitting uncomfortably by myself across from them tossing my fork playfully in my salad.

''Great, so it is official! Our wedding is going to be in the summer! Uh… how about...," Charlie ponders for a second before finishing her suggestion. " June 5th?"

My eyes and my head had been focused downward on my salad, but that certain question that determines the date of their wedding makes me glance up towards my best friend. I know this sounds crazy, and maybe I shouldn't be thinking this, but I really hope that Santana would just take my hand, forget about Charlie, and lead me into our happily ever after. Of course, my wishful thinking will get me no where.

Santana's eyes flicker between me and Charlie before making her decision. It's like she's asking for my opinion on the wedding date. But why? I mean, it's her and Charlie's decision.

"Uh... yeah the day we met t-that is perfect."

"Awesome. I'm going to call my mom!" She ran toward the doors behind us, every step taken with a shot of glee.

Great. Now I know that I have exactly 168 days, or 4032 hours, left until Santana officially belongs to Charlie. God, I just wish it was me who was planning the wedding with Santana. I wish it was me who was sitting next to her. I just wish that it was me that she loves the most.

When me and Santana were little, we would play the "family" game. You know, the game where two friends play the role of parents and basically have a picture perfect wedding. Well, since we were just two little girls, we both had to take the role of mothers. However, in the back of my mind, I really wished that me and Santana would end up together having the white picket fence, golden retriever, and hopefully another mini version of Santana running around the house.

Nonetheless, my dreams of us being together are rather stupid, considering that she's getting married to another beautiful girl.

"Hey Bee, what do you think about the date of the wedding?" Santana asks.

_Really? To be honest I have never hated anything more in my entire life._ "Of course, what better day to have a wedding than the day you two l-lovebirds met?"

"Seriously, you don't think it's too corny?"

"Nope not at all," I reply while shaking my head to hopefully emphasize my lie.

Just as Santana opens her mouth to reply, Charlie slips back into the booth. She sits in her rightful spot - next to the girl I love.

"My mom loves the ideas I gave to her. She also says that she and my dad miss me, so I think we should go visit her in Vermont for this Christmas." _No, Santana can't go with Charlie._ Christmas is usually our holiday to just relax at the apartment with our pajam-jams on, eating Chinese takeout and junk foods while watching the cheesy Hallmark Christmas marathon.

"Um... actually Char that's me and Brittany's kinda chill out holiday, so I don't think I could go with you," Charlie's shoulders visibly deflate. "But maybe we can go on New Years though." Santana smiles to cheer Charlie up, which works because who could not have a big fucking smile on their face when Santana shows one of her effervescent smiles?

"Fine, but you have to make it up to me." Charlie winks at Santana.

Santana looks directly at Charlie and gives her an_ 'Are you serious?'_ glare.

Charlie looks over to me and then focuses her attention on Santana again. "Baby, I'm sure Brittany will be okay if we leave just leave a tad bit earlier than planned. Right Brittany?"

_Seriously? You invited me and Santana to dinner and now you wanna leave me here while you go and have sex with her?_ "Actually I do mind. And I do believe that you invited me for dinner so if you don't mind I would like to finish my salad."

"Hmmph that's okay, because eventually me and Santana are going to leave anyways. So, I'll just let you enjoy your dinner." Charlie has a smug smile on her face. I just want to smack her senseless, but Santana would probably be incensed by me beating her fiancé in a restaurant full of people.

This dinner is just getting better and better. Not only do I know their ideas for the wedding, but now I'l have to go home to the apartment by myself knowing that Charlie is probably fucking Santana senseless. Oh God, the image of them having sex makes me cringe inwardly.

Then, just on time, our waitress walks to our booth, which is in the far back corner from the restaurant's doors.

"Hi ladies, do you need anything else?"

"Uh, yes we wanna order three vanilla cheesecakes, please," Santana answers.

"Actually just two cakes, I'm just going to share with my _fiancée_." Charlie's eyes never leave mine, even though she is talking to the waitress.

"Okie dokie, coming right up."

Charlie and me never liked each other. At the beginning of Santana's and Charlie's relationship, I just never took a liking to her. She was rude, snobby, but surprisingly nice to Santana. In her eyes, I was just a low-life bum, living in her girlfriend's apartment. I tried to be nice to her, but I guess to her I was always a big competition. It was like whatever I did she will always try to one-up me in everything. Why can't she realize that there is absolutely no point in trying to compete with me, because she already has the girl? She is the one that gets to kiss Santana. She is the one that gets to marry Santana. She is the one who gets to fucking love her and she still thinks I am competition.

"So... uh wanna play 20 questions?" Santana ask me and Charlie. I'm pretty sure she just wanted to relieve some of the tension at the table between Charlie and I.

"Sure," me and Charlie sigh.

"I'll go first," Santana says. "Okay Bee, uh... ooh I have one. What do you like most about me?"

This is an easy one, but there were hundreds of reasons why I like her and there was thousands of reasons on why I love her.

"There are so many reason on why I adore you that this dinners literally isn't long enough," She blushes - her mouth showing a small smile, her eyes crunching up, and she tugs her bottom lip in between her teeth._ God she is gorgeous._ ''I will just name some of the reasons than. I love you smile. You try to hold it back but eventually it does get past your strong exterior and when it does your face, body and everyone else around you lights up. I love your personality. You are compassionate, understanding, loving, not many words can describe how amazing you are. And lastly you are unconventionally beautiful inside and out."

"That was sweet, Bee."

"Well it is absolutely true," I say softly while clearly admiring her.

We continuously stare at each other until Charlie pipes in, full of jealousy. We have these moments where we could just stare at each other. When blue connect with brown, everyone else in the world no longer exists.

"Ok! My turn." Santana pulls away, focusing her attention on Charlie and waiting for her to continue.

"Santana, do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Uh.. I really do. I feel like if that person is the one than you should feel the connection between yourself and that person in the first glance."

Do I believe in it? To be entirely honest I do feel that love at first sight is true. Not to be corny or anything, but I feel that if you truly belong with that certain someone than anything could be possible.

"Now its your turn, Bee."

"Uh alright...well since we learned some of the things that I love about Santana what do you love about Santana?" I ask Charlie.

"O-okay." Why is she so nervous, when I was explaining what I love the most about Santana I said it without taking a breath of air? "Um... she pretty..." _Wrong, she is gorgeous._ "She is smart, her personality is amazing, and she is my f-first love." _Bullshit!_

Santana smiles widely and her eyes fill with adoration whilst looking at Charlie. Seriously, she believes that crap!?

The waitress arrives just in time again, and she is holding the two cheesecakes we ordered in her right hand. "Hello again, here you go." She sets the plate in front of me. "And here you guys go." She sets the second cheesecake in between Santana and Charlie.

"Anything else?"

Santana looks at me and Charlie, seeing both of our heads shaking no she then replies, "No, thank you."

"Okay just call me when you are ready for the check." And with that, the waitress leaves.

* * *

_They look so happy together._

Santana and Charlie are just sitting there feeding each other with piece by piece. Once the waitress left, Santana and Charlie just drifted off in their own little world, forgetting about me, the person clearly sitting across from them.

This is why I can't tell her. It's like half of me says 'Tell her that you love her, so you can have the only thing good in this miserable stinking world.' But the other side of me disagrees 'Just let her be happy this time.' It sucks to love someone who wants nothing more than a friendship. Years passed, and I'm still so compelled and intrigued by Santana. Even if we met 15 years ago, she is unpredictable, and that one of the many reasons why I fell in love with my best friend. When Charlie called her pretty, Santana just burst in to utter admiration for Charlie, but what Santana needs to know that she is not beautiful, not just by looks. Not just by what she says, but just by being who she is.

"I love you, Char."

"Love you too."

They stare at each other for a another moment, then suddenly they're both bursting with giggles.

I felt like this before, when I would just wish I could fall asleep and stay asleep for millions of years so I don't have to feel anymore pain. I just wish I didn't exist, or to not be aware that I was alive. Just something... something to relieve this pain. Why do I need her so much? I just wish I could just break away and forget. But I can't, she is like a magnet pulling me closer and closer every time I try to make my escape. I was always attracted to her not just by her external beauty, but by something more deep, more great. She dragged me in an indefinable correlation. For a better word, call it love. Like it or not, it is the kind of power people possess when love can make you feel like your fucking floating in the air, or just dragged down in a whirl pool of boundless pain. And I've fallen in between.

I glance down, eyeing my cheesecake. I did not even take a piece from this cake - not even a nibble.

"Hey Bee are you okay?" asks Santana.

"Uh... s-sure... excuse m-me I um... have to go to the bathroom." I flee hastily. I can feel brown orbs burning the back of my head as I run I toward the door.

VxxVxxVxxV

_April 18, 2007_

_I haven't spoken to Santana for a week. This is the longest time I have ever been apart from her. She hasn't even tried to communicate with me this past week. It hurts to ignore your best friend, but to have your best friend not even try to fight for you hurts more. I mean what is the point of trying to ignore her when she herself was already ignoring you? Maybe I do need some time away from her, you know? I should just go find someone who likes me. Someone who actually wants more than a friendship with me. She doesn't realize that these boys and girls won't love her like I do. Never. But I can't for the life of me forget her. She is just so beautiful. Every time she takes a look at me, I 'm falling into a deep pool of hope. Hope that one day she might love me more. Just one day._

_"Breakfast, Brittany!" my mom yells loudly._

_"Okay! I'll be down in a second!" I reply just as loud, so she can hear me._

_I walk down the stairs with less pep in my step than I normally have in the morning. I'm usually a morning person, but today, the thoughts of Santana just made me a sad, sad panda._

_"Is Santana coming over? I haven't seen her in a while."_

_"No Santana is not coming over today." My regular routine for a Sunday morning is: 1. Running. 2. Santana comes over. 3. We watch scary movies a.k.a Scary Movie Sunday. 4. We lay on the bed with idle expressions listening to old bands. 5. And lastly I watch her fall asleep with my arms wrapped around her._

_Now, though, I'm positive that Santana will not be coming over today. Last week, we got into this major fight about her breaking up this vow we made during freshman year. We promised each other that we would save our special night with someone we truly love, and she broke it by fucking sleeping with Matt. She lost her virginity to a douche. Santana Lopez does not deserve someone who just treats her like a piece of meat. She deserves someone who could cherish her body, love her true form, and appreciate her presence. She deserves so much better. Not even I could be good enough for her._

_She doesn't love me the way I do. Who can blame her though? Who would want a freaky girl with a penis when they can have anybody they wanted?_

_"Are you girls having some problems?"_

_"N-..Yes... she just did something that really hurt me. That is why we're not talking to each other," I admit honestly. The thought of us fighting comes back to me. I don't even notice that I'm crying until I see my mother rushing over to comfort me._

_"Hey Boo, it's going to be okay." I just wish that were true. "You and Santana need to talk. You guys have been best friends since first grade."_

_"But Mom, I don't know if this time we could just forgive and forget."_

_"Boo, you never know until you try. Now stop the crying and go call her. And tell her you love her."_

_"H-how d-did you know that?" She smiles at my question._

_"Seriously, you are so obvious. Just by the way you look at her, by the way you hold her, and by the way you smile at her. She knows you better than you do yourself and she still has no clue."_

_"But it is so h-hard to love her when she doesn't even realize that I am right in front of her." I sniffle, wiping away my tears, which causes more to fall freely. "I'm standing right there, just w-waiting for her to hopefully... see me as more than her best friend."_

_"Honey, love is unique. Only those of who have experienced love can tell how love feels. But love represents billions of definitions; each person can describe their own love. And you, sweetie, have to figure it out on your own. Even if it is unique and beautiful, it is sometimes also painful. So you have to use that love to get through it together, as one."_

_"T-thanks mom. I'll go call her," I stated._

_"Good! Now, cheer up! Today is a b-b-beautiful d-d-dayyyy!" She sings cheerfully. I laugh at my mother's words. She sure does now how to make me feel better._

_After breakfast, I run upstairs to my room to call Santana, so we can talk._

_"Hello?" the voice replies._

_"Uh...h-hey San." Why am I so nervous? "I was um... hoping that w-we could... uh go meet up at our spot to you... know talk about things."_

_Exactly eight seconds later, she replies, '' Sure, I'll see you there." And with that the line, goes dead._

_I decide to go take a shower. While I'm in the bathroom, I think about a few things. Like how sometimes people are really selfish. How can people only think about themselves? Does that mean I'm also selfish? Because if I do tell Santana that I love her, I could be risking our friendship. But if I do tell her, the best case scenario is that she loves me back. Could there be a possibility though?_

_I'm sitting here on my bed, just wondering if I should go see the person that I may or may not wanna talk to. Maybe she won't come. Maybe she's scared of me. Is it because I'm a freak? She even said so herself. Tears begin to rush down my face at thought of her saying 'Oh yeah, enough talk about me. What about you? You think someone would love a freak like you?' Oh God does she really think that? And how could she say no one could ever love her? Maybe, if she would just take a notice to me, then she might realize that I am the one for her and she is the one for me._

_My hands are planted on my face to stop the flooding of tears. I eventually stop trying, because my tears are not stopping no matter how hard I try to stop them. I rise up from my position and pat down my clothes to fix my messy attire. Before I go to our spot to meet Santana, I go into the bathroom to check my appearance. I gasp at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My skin is pale, my eyes are bloodshot, and my hair is tied up into a messy bun. I just shrug, because I don't really care anymore to be honest._

_Once I arrive at the spot, I see a familiar white BMW, which belongs to Santana, parked at the end of the deserted street. Basically, this spot is just a lake surrounded by a barrier of trees. It sounds bland, but to me and Santana, it is the best place in the world. A place where we both can just slip away from the outside. Forgetting everything and everybody else. Santana and I discovered the place when we were in cheerleading camp. We were taking our regular early jog, but me and Santana got lost between the trees and luckily we stumbled upon this area. No one knew we were away, so we spent hours just sitting there taking in nature._

_I walk down the trail leading to the lake. There, sitting on the rock next to the lake, is the beautiful girl who I so desperately fell in love with. Taking a deep breath, I start taking small steps toward Santana. Wait what if she came here to tell me we can't be friends? What if she doesn't wanna be with a freak? Wh—_

_"I know you're there Bee,'' she says, not even turning around to check. "I always know where you are," she adds softly._

_I blush, the statement giving me confidence to do what I am really here to do—tell her that I love her. I approach her and she gestures for me to sit next to her. "H-hi," I said. She absolutely gorgeous. She has light makeup applied on her face, with her jeans rolled up to her ankles, and a faded red t-shirt. You'd think she's beautiful now, but you'd have to see her when she has no make up on and she is just being her sweet, goofy self._

_"Hey Bee," she replies sadly. "You are probably mad at me, aren't you?"_

_"Never will I ever be mad at you."_

_"But what I said to you. How could you forget that?" She's right, it does hurt that she thinks that about me, but I'm mad at myself, not her. I'm mad because I am always the one apologizing for something I didn't do, I'm always mad that I get sucked in by her beauty, and most all I am mad that I can't hate her when I should. But I just can't, I love her too much._

_"I can't forget it, but I can forgive." That is the best thing I can do for both us._

_"Thank you...I really hope we can go back to being best friends. And I wanna say sorry for calling you a...uh." She can't even finish her apology without flinching._

_"Hey...I mean its the truth right?" I pull out of our gaze and look down, focusing my attention on my nails._

_It hurts to know that you best friend doesn't accept you for who you are. My mom told me when I was young that girls didn't have what I have. But she said that is what made me stand out, it made me unique. She told me she still loves me even with or without. She told me not everyone was going to accept me. I just didn't think Santana would do that to me._

_Suddenly I fell soft hands cupping my cheeks bringing my head up. "Bee, of course its not true. You're beautiful Bee. You're sweet, loving, beautiful, and trustworthy. And I am so sorry for what I said to you, because not a word of it was true."_

_I whimper, and I can feel warmness on my cheeks from the tears falling freely. She reaches out and hugs me tight. I can't help but cry harder into her shoulder. What she said was so sweet. We stayed there for about an hour just crying together. Today is the day where we could finally forgive and forget. Maybe someday I can tell her, but right now it is just us. As two best friends who need each other._

VxxVxxVxxV

I lean my hands against the porcelain sink. "You can do this. Just suck it up." I mutter under my breath. The door opens and here enters Santana, coming to my rescue. I sigh loudly through my nose getting ready to leave. But she sticks out her arm to hold me back. "Cut the bullshit, Bee. I just want the truth. Don't worry about how much it will hurt me. I would much rather not to be constantly lied to. Me finding out the truth in the long run will just make matters worst," she states._ Damn she's serious._ Her perfectly shaped eyebrow arches up and her arms fold over her chest to indicate she is not playing around with me.

Ugh, I'm so frustrated with her right now. I'm mad because she invited me to this dinner with her "fiancée", but she ignores me the whole time. What was the whole point of inviting me anyways if, she and Charlie were going to talk all lovey-dovey with each other? Can she seriously not know why I left the fucking table? "Why don't you figure it out." I don't mean for it to be loud but my emotions were just charging right now.

"You know what! I'm tired of you! Why are you being such a bad friend? I invited you to hang out with me and Charlie to have fun. What did I do?" she demands, just as loud. Did she really just say that to me? After all that shit I've been through because of her, and she called me the bad friend? I am trying so hard not to hurt her feelings, to just give her happiness, and risking mine in the process. Because no matter what shit she has put me through, she still deserves someone better than me.

"Fine, if you really feel that way then maybe we need some time apart." I say aloud without even thinking about the words that were coming out of my mouth. I didn't mean it. I need her. For a single moment can the universe not try to crush me and can my heart not be in pain? Just once, I would have all of my fears wash away. I would kiss her and tell her I love her and ask her not to leave me.

"Wait San-"

"You're right, we do need a break from each other." She answers inn retaliation. Her face stays stern, but I can see in her eyes that she is regretting what she's saying. I feel myself moving towards her to stop her from leaving. I grab her wrist once she's already halfway out the door. She stops turns her head around, and I can see visible tears rushing down her face. She gives me a moment to finally say what I have to say, but again nothing comes out. So I'm just standing there with my mouth agape like an idiot with no words coming out. She scoffs bitterly shaking her head like she knew what was going to happen. And with that, she leaves the room. Why am I so stupid? I had a clear chance to stop her right then and there. Without interruptions. Without Charlie. It was just me and her. And I messed it up again.

The most painful thing about leaving is when the person you love might never come back you. And maybe we should take a break. She causes me so much pain but at the same time she makes me happy. She is the only one who understands me and what I go through. I just can't look at her and Charlie together without pain resurfacing a hundred times harder than before. How can someone deal with seeing the person they love loving someone else rather than them? I am exhausted of wanting and never having. Loving and always hurting. But it isn't her fault. She doesn't even now how I feel. Me not telling her was supposed to avoid pain, and now it is the only thing causing it.

_God I messed up didn't I?_ I whimper. My knees get weaker, and I slowly slip down the wall behind me, sobbing into my hands. About 10 minutes pass until I finally stop bawling. I'm surprised no one came into the bathroom. I grab my purse from off the sink to get my phone. I sniffle while dragging my finger all the way to the M's.

_"Hey, Boo!"_the voice answers with excitement. God how much I miss that sweet, passionate voice.

"Mom," I sniffle. "It's happening ag-." I can't even finish my sentence without a sob trying to come up my throat.

_"What's happening again."_ Her not knowing why, makes me sob even harder because it reminds me of Santana not knowing why. _"Brittany Susan Pierce, what in the world is happening again?"_ She tries to sound firm, but the worry and sadness from hearing Brittany crying begins to show.

"Santana and I are taken a break," I say trying my best not to cry, "from each other again." No matter how hard I try not to cry, my sobbing just manages to come through.

_"Bee, I'm going to tell you something, okay? You just have to listen without an interruptions, no if, ands, or buts." I instinctively nod even though she couldn't see me. I know better not to interrupt my mother when she is trying to tell me something very important. The Pierces may be nice, but if you get on their bad side than you might as well call yourself dead._

_"Sweetie, everybody has those moments where they don't want to do anything. You feel numb. Your chest is heavy. You frown most often. And you feel dead. But I'm going to be completely honest with you right now. If Santana is your true love, you have to fight for her. Don't just stand there on the sidelines waiting for her to finally come to your senses because there might come a time where you are too late. So what I am trying to say is that you have to fight for her. Don't let that Cher... Is it Cheyenne? Mmmh doesn't matter anyways what her name is, because my baby girl is going to get her happy ending. Because you deserve it."_

I let out a watery laugh responding to her little speech. "Her name is Charlie, Mom."

_"I don't care what Cherry's name is. All I want for you two girls is to be together. I love Santana to infinity and beyond, but if she doesn't realize what she is missing out on then, honey, you have to move on. I mean you have been loving her since you came home from the first day of school yelling 'I'm in love mommy!', and she still hasn't noticed it. Also Boo, I love you so much for trying to prevent Santana pain, but you can't make put everyone else's feelings before your own. If she doesn't know you're fighting for her, then I want you stop, okay? I want you to stop and fight for yourself. You can only break your heart so many times until one day you, yourself will break also._

I understand completely what my mother was trying to say to me. And still, after everything I have been through, I would still break my own heart millions of times just so Santana would never go through the pain of one. But my mind is telling me to finally let go of her. To finally accept that she will never be mine. To find someone else who can love me just as much as I love them. But I just wish my heart thought the same. I'm just so tired of waiting for her and at the same time I will still fight every single day, every single hour, every single minute, and every single second, because to me, Santana Lopez is so worth it.

"I understand what you are saying; that I should probably move on, but ma I don't now how to forget her.

_''You can't honey, but you can move on. Just try talking to her, then maybe she can feel the same way about you as you do her.I have to go Boo, your crazy father wants me to make him soup."_"I giggle once more. My dad sure loves his soup.

"Ok bye, love you and tell dad I love him too," I tell her. I haven't seen them since I left Ohio to live in New York with Santana.

_"Love you too!"_ I miss them so much. _"Me too!"_ the voice faint in the background calls. I instantly know it's my dad. Just by his deep, sweet voice. Maybe I'll visit them for New Year's.

VxxVxxVxxV

Once I am out of the bathroom, I go to the table that we were seated in. I wanna see if Santana and Charlie left yet, so I can talk to Santana. While I am walking towards our table, the waitress that served my dinner comes walking up to me.

"Oh there you are. Um, if your looking for your friends they went outside like five minutes ago. Oh, and they paid for the paycheck already."

"Ok thanks. I'm just going then." I wonder why they haven't left yet. Actually, I am happy that Santana didn't so I could talk to her. I just wanna talk about us. I mean she just apologized to me at the apartment, but I guess our talk didn't fix any of our unresolved feelings. I push open the restaurant's double doors. I spot Charlie's car, with her job she owns a white Range Rover, parked in the right corner of the parking lot.

I go in the middle of the parking lot to look around. I move my head from the left side and right side to see if I can spot them. I see no Santana and Charlie, so I walk to the back to the doors to see if they had gone back inside. When suddenly I hear a faint moan. I pause my steps, turn around and I hear another moan. My curiosity grows stronger, therefore I try to follow where the noise is coming from.

Again I hear a soft moan, but this time the voice sounds so familiar. _Can it be?_ I keep following the noise until it brings me to the alley in between the restaurant and the bar next to it. I stop, squint my eyes, and finally I found the person I was looking for in compromising position—Santana pressed up against the wall, neck exposed, with Charlie sucking vigorously on her caramel skin, Santana hands put over her own head by Charlie.

I close my eyes to stop the rushing of warm tears falling from my face. _Damn universe! All I wanted to do was just tell her I was sorry._ I turn around and run off in the opposite direction from them. I keep running until my knees get weaker and I eventually sink to the concrete ground at the end of the street. When I finally want to stop the pain for both of us, fate evidently hates me and doubles the pain for only me.

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm in pain. And I just want to ignore everything existing in the world—so the only thing to do it is forget.

I take out my phone and finally I see the person's name I am looking for. I bring my finger over to green call button and wait. The phone rings two times, and eventually they pick up.

"I need a drink."

* * *

**SPOILER ALERT: Brittany meets someone! I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Reviews? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4 - Drunken Escapades

**Author's Note**

**Hi! Thank you guys so much for all the great support. :) Who watched the 100th episode? I mean that KISS! BRITTANA IS AWESOME AS ALWAYS! **

**I know I've been late on this update. I just had exams so I just spent my extra time studying. But I'm back. This chapter has 2 parts that is why this one is short. I just wanted to get something out there.**

** Also as you guys already know, another shoutout to my beta! (BrittzandTana) **

* * *

**Summary- Being in love is amazing, but when you're in love with your best friend who is getting married, it's not the greatest feeling in the world to see her engaged. Still I rather sacrifice my happiness for hers. If that means keeping in my feelings that's exactly what I'm going to do. (G!P)**

**Words- 4.8K+**

**Rating- M**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Glee . This is an alternative universe. Also a profit is not being made.**

* * *

Tonight I just want to forget. Forget about Santana. Forget about Charlie. I want to feel numbness caused by a heavy alcoholic beverage. And lucky me; the one person that can help me achieve this has just walked through the door.

"Well, well... I don't know if you mind me asking, but I am going to do it anyway. Why is the one and only Ms. Brittany Pierce calling me at..." He looks down at his wrist to check the time, "10:00 to meet you at this club?"

I turn in my stool that I am now occupying at the bar. "Ok I can see why you have that question. So there is actually two things I need to tell you." He walks toward the stool next to me and sits. "One, I just need to forget about stuff and before you ask what I think you are about to ask, no, I am not telling you specifically why. And two, no leaving me to go have sexual intercourse with another woman."

"Fine, I will not leave you to get my freak on, even if I see desperate women. But if a hot cougar comes by, get ready to say adios amigo." He suddenly stops talking and begins to drift into a dream-filled state. I have a good feeling that he's thinking about those cougars.

I scoff at his lack of focus for something that is impossible in and out of his dreams. "Hey, enough with your god awful fantasy and let's get our drinks so we can go dance."  
He shakes out of his state and smirks at me. "You are just mad because people want the mighty Puckasaurus over than you."

"Ha keep on dreaming Puck, just keep on dreaming."

We keep laughing until we're literally breathless. Eventually we go and order our drinks from the legendary bartender. I heard that this so-called legendary bartender makes the best drinks in New York City.

"Hey Blondie, what drink do you want?" The bartender asks. He leans against his elbows with his towel wrapped around his hands.

I actually don't know any heavy alcoholic drinks by their name, because Santana always ordered my drinks at the bar.

"We need 10 shots of tequila and one mind eraser." Puck cut in, obviously seeing my clueless state.

"Coming right up!" The bartender turns around nodding his head, to the beat of the cacophonous music.

A couple minutes later passes and the bartender finally finishes our drinks. But a minute before, Puck stated that he was going to go to the bathroom, which I don't believe. He is clearly over on the other side of the bar grinding on a drunk brunette.

"So who you trying to forget?" the bartender asks when he sees me downing the tequila shots. Damn, this shit burns.

Might as well tell him, because you're probably never going to see this man ever again. Though you don't know his name you feel like he could be trusted with your biggest secret that you have.

"Before I answer, may I ask what your name is?"

"Oh yeah, name's Xander."

"Alrighty then Xander, well let's get straight to the point here. I am hopelessly in love with my best friend." His face contorts into an expression that is full with empathy. Like he understands how it feels. "And that's not it. Clearly, so-called faith evidently hates me and makes my best friend marry another woman. And yes I am a lesbian."

"Wow what a fucked up life you have. And to be honest with you our lives are similar." Xander sincerely says.

I sigh through my nose in an exaggerated time before answering back. "Yup it's pretty bad, but I really want to just forget about all of this fucked up shit that's going on in my life right now. So with that being said, will you please enlighten me about your life?"

"Well since you kind of told me yours, I will be the opposite of an asshole tonight and just tell you mine." I smile. He is quite charming for an asshole. Before he starts talking, I look around in my seat to check on Puck. And finally my eyes find sets in corner of the club and there he is sitting in the booth with a girl on his lap.

"So once upon a time there was Xander Griffin, who fell in love with his girlfriend's best friend. Yup, by the look on your face you're in utter shock. But unfortunately it is true; I have a roommate that still lives with me. Well she had a friend that she always talked about. So one night I met this one friend. And as time goes on we started dating each other, oh and by the way her name is Jenny. My roommate Persephone and I began to get closer over time while I was with Jenny. Blah blah, things go one and I finally realize that I was in love with Persephone who is obviously Jenny's best friend. I didn't want to lead Jenny on anymore so I broke things off with her. Guess what happened next?"

"What?" I am honestly completely intrigued by his story.

"After the break up, I ran to my apartment and I was totally ready to admit that I was in love with her and not Jenny. Unfortunately, Persephone came to running up to me before I could get through the front door and yells her about her boyfriend and how they're getting married. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. And that concludes my story. She still lives with me, she now has a fiancé, and I am still a heart-broken fool. And their getting fucking married in two more days," he finishes. His eye starts to water and his face turns sad.

"Wow that's harsh, are you going to the wedding?"

"Tell me about it. And surprisingly yes I am going."

I just feel a sudden urge to hug him with all my might. He's right; we do have the same sad story. We both love someone who is close to us, we both don't want to risk our friendship with our love confessions, and we both have broken hearts. And suddenly just for tonight I couldn't care less about our one-sided lovers.

"Enough with the boo hoo. I mean we are both hot and single in fucking New York City! This is the city of dreams for god's sake. For tonight, let's make a pact. Just for tonight, alright?" I suggest. He looks interested in what I have to say and also quite confused at my sudden outburst. "The pact is that for tonight we forget about everything that makes us sad. We just have a night to remember. A night where we can just be free and don't have to worry about Persephone or Santana or anybody else. Ok?"

He smiles at me and says, "You know what? You're right. You are fucking right. After I finish this shift, which ends in 30 minutes, we will have one of those 'oh my god what happened last night' moments. And you Brittany are one awesome person."

"Thanks! Now in thirty minutes, we meet up here, ok?" I ask.

"Yep we will meet up here in this area, deal."

"Deal."

VxxVxxVxxV

When I leave the bar after making the decision to meet up with Xander later on. I feel like dancing. A good song comes on and I start walking towards the dance floor. I begin move my hips to match the fast-paced beat. My hands grab my hair to add a little sex into my dance. I keep on moving to the song until I feel hands on my waist behind me. I turn my neck and surprisingly see a girl grinding on my back side. Usually, creepy dudes show up when I dance.

She and I keep dancing sexually on each other until two songs pass by, and we are both completely out of breath. She then grabs my arm and leads me to a booth that ironically is the one that Puck is now occupying.

"Hey Brittany!" Puck pulls away and yells in greeting. It is obvious that he has drunk a lot.

"Hey dude who leaves a girl hanging."

"Not my fault, these girls want on my awesomeness." Referring to the two girls that are sitting beside him giggling their asses off. Well they're happy drunks.

"Who's this?" Puck gestures his pointed finger at the girl who I'm dancing with. I don't really know her name, but she is a good-looking girl. She has warm green eyes, tan skin, but lighter than caramel colored, and hair that is in between a dark and light color.

"Uh actually we didn't exchange names with each other quite yet." I state while turning my attention towards the mysterious green-eyed girl.

"Oh sorry...my name is Johanna. I'll assume from your friend over here that your name is Brittany," she answers. Her accent is really sexy to me. I think she's from England.

"Yeah it is."

"Good, so where you from?" Johanna fiddles with her hands in a nervous way. It's cute how red her cheeks get when she gets nervous.

"Ohio. You?" It's small talk, but it takes my mind off of certain situations. And I want to make time pass by ,so that it won't be long before Xander is finished with his current shift.

"I moved here from England actually." I really feel intrigued by this girl. Like I want to know more about her for some reason.

"That's cool. You're from a cool country and I am from a boring ass town called Lima. I mean who names a town Lima." She laughs heartily at the statement. I laugh along with her loud guffaws. I glance at Puck who is making out with those two girls that were then beside him and now on top of him coincidentally.

"I'm sure it's not that bad," She stops in the middle of her sentence and is now focused at someone who I assume is behind me. I turn around in the booth and see a guy that I am guessing that's her friend. He sees her looking at him, so he approaches the booth.

"Hey I was just looking for you," he says to Johanna. "So aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He voice wavers when he sees the place Puck is in.

"Yeah I guess... this is Brittany. Brittany this is Ryder and Ryder this is Puck." Ryder looks at both of us through judging eyes. I guess he's inspecting us to see if we are good enough to hang out with Johanna.

"Hi," I say, sticking out my hand for him to greet me. He hesitates for a second but eventually gives in and shakes my hand.

"Hi Brittany, so I see you found Johanna."

"Yeah she and I were just dancing a couple of minutes ago."

"Yup I saw. It was surprising to see Johanna grind on a girl like that." Johanna cheeks start to turn red. I guess she's never dancing that much with strangers then.

"She just attracted me, okay?" Johanna defends.

"Hey, just saying," Ryder retaliated with his hands thrown up in exaggeration. "Well I'm just going to leave you guys to chat because I saw a cute ass guy walking over there."

Whoa my gaydar is way off. I thought he liked girls. Mmh guess I was wrong then. After Ryder stated that he would leave, I could tell the guy he was talking about must have been attractive, because he ran across the dance floor at ultimate speed.

When Ryder leaves, Puck decides that he's going to go dance with the two girls he met, leaving me and Johanna alone.

"So," I start awkwardly.

"So," Johanna says along with me.

"Uh so... tell me about yourself," I suggest, hoping to break the literal sheet of ice. I don't really know why it feels so awkward now. Maybe because Ryder teased her or maybe because Puck left.

"Well there isn't that much, but okay. I was born in England, as you know. My accent is kind of British with a hint of American in it. My parents and came to America when I was six years-old. I'm here for my scholarship to NYU," she tells me. "Enough about me, though. How about you?" she finishes.

"Um... I moved here from Ohio, as you already know. I go to school at Juilliard and so does my best friend." My voice instantly wavers to a sad tone at the thought of Santana. I cough, my fist covering my mouth, to help regain my voice. "And I major in dance."

"It's cool that you go to Juilliard. I actually major in art at NYU," she adds. I never would have guessed that she was an artist. She starts to nod her to the beat of the current song that is bursting through the speakers.

"Hey, wanna go dance?" she asks. I listen to the beat to see if it's a good song. Dubstep isn't really my kind of music, but hey, this is a night where I want to forget everything else.

"Sur—" I don't even finish my reply before she's grabbing my arm and dragging me onto the dance floor. Once we both arrive at a good spot, we start dancing against each other.

I roll my front side into hers. I move my hands to wrap loosely around her neck. She also moves her arms to wrap around my waist. We keep dancing and dancing, just moving in our own little world. It feels so good to finally dance with a pretty girl without feeling so damn guilty. Maybe it's the alcohol. Maybe it's me moving on. I don't know what it is, but it feels so damn good.

_A little bit of misfit dancing_  
_A little bit of jojo dancing_  
_A little bit of thoughts of mine coming out_  
_The mind of this midnight rambler._

My hips and hers start to match with each other. Making a perfect, steady rhythm. My hips grind in and then out with hers so we wouldn't get unbalanced.

_I can't wait till these tunes of mine get me out of this local jam_  
_Get up on that big stage now_  
_Show the world just who the heck I am._

Our faces lean in, with her grabbing my hair. Heavy breaths mingle with each other. All I can hear is the thumping of the bass.

_Taking back the way we are_  
_'Cause that's just the way we are_  
_I'm crashing through the dark, we're alright_  
_We all got the spark, we all got the spark tonight._

And finally I feel the courage, that can probably only be caused by tonight, to just kiss her. My lips brush against hers and she responds with the same action. I feel buzzing going through my body from the alcohol. We're just kissing in the middle of a popular New York club. I don't really feel any deeper feelings for this girl, but as I said already and probably 100 times, it's just for tonight.

VxxVxxVxxV

Have you ever felt infinite? Like you could do anything in the world? With this alcohol just taking over my body, flowing through my veins, I feel boundless. My guilty pleasure is having myself feeling completely numb. Right now, I officially love this night. This is the night where I can finally feel good. I love Santana and everything, but I just need a break. A break from all the pain, sadness, and even happiness. Don't get me wrong, I would sacrifice everything for Santana. But tonight is about me, when I can just worry about myself.

I leave Johanna after she and I kiss, because I have to meet up with Xander like I promised. I make my way towards the bar looking for him. Before though I go to see if Puck is sober enough to leave him by himself. I move my head around to see if I could catch a glance at Puck. And after a few turns of my head, I finally find him dancing with some girls. I cannot lie for an asshole like him, he does have game. Well, I guess he seems perfectly fine, judging by the large grin on his face.

"Hey over here Brittany!" Xander calls over from the bar.

"Hey, you done?" I ask referring to his shift. Hopefully he is, so he and I can follow up on the pact we made an hour ago.

"Yep, I just need to wipe a few counters. Then we both are going to get drinks served by some bartender other than me."

He starts wiping the blue neon countertop of the bar with what it seems like just a white towel. "I've been thinking about some things." My eyebrows arch upward in curiosity. While he's been in a "deep thought", I was making out with a random girl. I feel pretty good surprisingly, but in the back of my intoxicated mind I kinda feel guilty. Like I wasn't supposed to share myself with anyone other than Santana.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, because Santana doesn't even love me. The questions that people might ask if they knew about my affection towards Santana would probably be—Why go through so much pain for someone who is a loss cause? Why love someone who is hopelessly in love with another? Or, why would you risk everything for someone?—and even if all those questions were thrown at me, I would have the same answer for each and every one of them. It's because I love her. It's that simple.

"You know how we are soooo in love with our best friends that we can't even enjoy this epic club?" I nod sadly at the truth. "Well I was thinking that we should do legen—wait for it—dary things tonight. Kind of like a list of things that would be fucking cool."

"First, did you just quote How I Met Your Mother? And second, you mean like a bucket list?"

"The awesome show deserves to be quoted by an awesome dude. And yes, kind of like a bucket list, but we have to finish it tonight. And before we continue making our epic plans, I saw you kissing a hot girl on the dance floor!"

I blush, bringing my head down focusing on my hands on my lap. "Aww look at you!" Xander teases.

"Stop it." I laugh, slapping my hand playfully on his shoulder while he's leaning against the countertop.

After a few more wipes to the countertop, Xander jumps into a seat next to me and grab a bar napkin, which before was currently occupying the seat of my drink and a pen. Then he moves the napkin between us so we both could have a good view on the napkin which I guess is going to be where we write or bucket list on.

"Mmm what should we even put down?" I ask. All night I've been rambling on and on about tonight being a night where I can be carefree. I can just be me. So tonight, Xander and I will finish this bucket list. I know I just met him, but just by how our stories are similar and how we've been through the same things makes me and him understand each other in a unique way that other people probably wouldn't.

"I don't really know. But this list has to be full of things that we alone couldn't possibly think of actually doing."

Thirty minutes pass and we have officially completed this who-gives-a-fuck list. And yes Xander did make the name after a minute in of us writing the list. He said he was tired of calling it the bucket list because he wanted to be unique about it. The list consists of ten crazy, carefree things for us to do. Since Persephone's wedding is two more days. We have approximately 18 hours to complete this list.

"You ready?" Xander asks me, with his voice full of excitement.

"Yep."

"Woo hoo! Then let's go!" Xander runs out of the doors with me following behind him.

* * *

2 hours later...

God I'm so nervous. My hands smooth over my thighs. My legs are just shaking with anticipation. My heart is beating way too fast. I can't believe we are about to do this. After we got the supplies we needed to complete the list, we were already starting with the first possible thing we could think of doing. I cannot believe this is happening. I mean one minute I was at a bar just trying to forget about Santana and now I have only 16 more hours to complete this list.

"Are you ready?" Xander asks while walking down the streets of New York with me alongside of him.

"Yeah...I guess," I nervously answer. I think I am ready. I mean like we both said—it's a night to do the craziest things ever that you would never dream of doing if it were by yourself. Maybe it's because of my determination to just forget about Santana. Or maybe because this is me just having fun. Not having to worry about hurting anyone in the end. So yeah, I am going to do all this crazy shit tonight, and technically tomorrow too.

"Come on Brittany, get excited! Get pumped. This is a night where we can do the craziest of the craziest things ever. As Drake would say...YOLO!" Xander yells. He's either really pumped up to do this things, or he's just trying to avoid the fact that his soul mate is getting married tomorrow night.

"So are we really doing this?"

"Yup my friend. And there is no way out of it." Xander replies. We reach the destination of this theater, and Xander opens the door for me, gesturing me to go in first. Well here goes nothing than. Good thing this city never sleeps because this audition wouldn't be happening at 1:00 in the morning. Xander says it is a recurring tradition for this theater.

Right now we both can cross of the number one on this list. Because we are finally about to audition for a small musical. We don't really take it very seriously, because I mean there's no chance that we could actually get a part in the musical. Because first, we're both kind of tipsy and second, Xander and I can't really sing. But it is on the list, so let's get started.

"Next!" The bald man sitting in the front theater seats yell. I guess he's the man directing the auditions then. It is so intimidating to walk up the steps doing whatever the hell I could possibly think of, since I just found out that I'm doing this. I didn't really have time to think of a routine.

"Uh hi...my name is Brittany S. Pierce and I am here to... uh dance?" I'm not sure quite sure if this musical involves dancing or not. The man nods waiting for me to show a routine. I guess I'll do improv then.

Before I start dancing, I realize there isn't any music to improv to. It's kind of hard to make up a dance without a beat. I shrug carelessly, because I'll just have to deal with it. Then I notice that Xander has also realized that I don't have any music to dance too. He took it upon himself and decides to do the one thing I would have never thought of. The bald man's face starts to turn impatient waiting for me to dance. I start to get more nervous than ever before. Then I hear a sudden beat. A beat caused by only Xander himself. He starts to clap his hands and stomp his feet in a smooth beat that he made sure that it's possible for me to dance to. I smile at his actions to help me. Feeling the beat and a quite a buzz of the alcohol consuming me, I start to make a dance using Xander's beat. The bald man seemed quite impressed by Xander's homemade beat.

I don't even care that it's an intense audition anymore. I just started dancing freely to the beat made by clapping and stomping. I can't really pinpoint on how dancing makes me feel. Like I'm cutting all the strings tying me down to the earth. And just for a long moment, I can fly.

I finish the dance with a landing pirouette. The applause begins to start. "Woo yeah Brittany!" Xander yells. The bald man turns around, judging Xander on his unprofessional outburst.

"When I first saw you I thought you were just an amateur. But the moment you did you first move I knew that you have talent," the man compliments. The grin on my face is stretching from ear to ear. Just to hear that someone loves my dancing makes me feel so accomplished, like all the hard work has paid off.

"Alright you're definitely going to see me again," the man says. I walk off stage towards Xander. Once I reach him we grab hands and jump around excitedly. "Yay! Is it your turn or are we just going to cross this off of the list?"

"Girl you are not going to have all the fun. Of course I'm going to do it," he states firmly. "We're in this together."

"Okay, so what are you going to do? Sing or dance?" I ask. I don't really know what he's going to do. I mean, he's never said anything about himself having a passion to sing or to dance.

He walks towards the stairs on the front of the stage where I just previously walked up and down on. He walks to the microphone in the middle of the stage, grips the microphone handle and then the music starts playing. Where the hell did that microphone come from?

_All that's known_  
_In history, in science_  
_Overthrown_  
_At school, at home, by blind men_

_You doubt them_  
_And soon they bark and hound you_  
_Till everything you say is just_  
_Another bad about you_

Xander belts out. The soft tone of the music goes so well with his rough, but smooth tone. I am really shocked. We had just made this list two hours before and here he is, prepared and ready to take on anything. While I'm standing with nerve-wracking thoughts flowing through my mind.

_All they say_  
_Is 'Trust in what is written'_  
_Wars are made_  
_And somehow that is wisdom_

_You watch me_  
_Just watch me_  
_I'm calling_  
_I'm calling_  
_And one day all will know_

And it's only the _beginning._

* * *

**I am truly sorry for the wait. Honestly those reviews do keep me motivated. So keep it up guys!**

**~V**


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